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I couldn’t help it, I was really really missing having a scanner. Really. I was. Missing it. OK, so I did actually technically have a scanner, but it a) wasn’t a very good scanner and b) caused all kinds of horrible system trouble with it’s stinky little festering driver. To celebrate my new scanner (which takes 5 seconds to scan a photo, instead of the 3 minutes the old one took), here is a scan of a picture of an ant holding an intergrated circuit.

There’s something about that photo that I just really love, and as soon as I saw it I had to have it. It was in a book I was withdrawing at work, so I chopped it out. Yes, ladies and gents, library staff get to hack into library books… ok, just the withdrawn ones but anyway. The book itself was from 1993 and therefore no longer exactly accurate in it’s computer information. Adorable, but not accurate. Not quite as adorable as the one I bought written in 1979 when “A personal computer is a serious investment starting at around $7,000, but is well worth it”. Makes me look at my Apple IIe and wonder how much they paid for it new. I got it second hand for $4.

Mum and I were talking today about how much kids can actually remember (discussion brought on by an expensive and amazing 1st birthday party for a child I know of, costing his mum around $1,500) so I was trying to think of things I remember from before the age of 5. Here are some of them:
- My earliest memory is of sitting in my pusher and picking the skin off my index finger, causing a sudden rush of blood. Mum parked the pusher next to the chemist with the green tiles and ran in to get bandaids.
- I remember visiting the goat farm with the kinder group. The goat farm was just down the road from me, but I’d forgotten to tell mum I needed to wear gumboots, and instead was wearing my red leather shoes which I tried to keep clean.
- I remember going apple picking, again with the kinder group, and thinking Mum and Albe were leaving me behind when they drove off.
- I remember playing with toy cars with Albe in the front garden of Grandma’s big old house in Kew. We dug tunnels in the soft soil under the tree.
- I can remember the pile of sand that was delivered just before the pool went in, and how Kirsty, Albe and I made roads and tunnels in it. It was there for ages, then it was spread out as a pool base and I remember being sad, because it seemed more fun to keep it for the cars.
- I remember making pictures with little bits of plastic at kinder, and seeing all the pictures lined up along the rafters.
- i remember Mum being Santa in the kinder christmas play

Apparently, that’s quite a good writing excercise, just making lists like that. So there you go, i did do something productive today. Now I’m going to go and either read a book or redo the graphics for frog. Probably read.

Found this on my old LJ, and thought, since most of what I have to say is just bitching about crap, I’d redo it. This is much like what TV shows do when they have no original ideas - flashback shows.

1) Last dream: Was carefully packing up my frogs in pink streamer stuff and hoping they wouldn’t break on the way over to America.
2) Last car ride: Home from work.
3) Last kiss: Romantically, 1994.
4) Last good cry: Last night.
5) Last Missing Library Book: I can’t find the Joni Mitchell CD which is overdue.
6) Last movie seen: Um… um… at the cinema “Ned Kelly”. On DVD, Shrek.
7) Last Book Read: Just started “I Don’t Know How She Does It”. Just finished “The Long Walk”
8) Last swear word uttered: “fuck”
9) Last beverage drank: tea. Hurrah for tea :)
10) Last Food consumed: Handful of almonds.
11) Last Crush: No one you know….
12) Last phone call: Someone wanted to speak to Dad.
13) Last TV show watched: Am watching “the Panel”
14) Last Item Bought: Cigarettes.
15) Last time showered: About 20 minutes ago (I smell like raspberries!)
16) Last shoes worn: The brown leather slip ons that are causing all kinds of foot trouble.
17) Last CD played: “Let It Be” - beatles
18) Last downloaded: The Sims Online updates.
19) Last annoyance: New weeding policy and reactions to same.
20) Last disappointment: Being unable to get my line speed up in order to DJ
21) Last soda drank: BiLo Brand cola
22) Last thing wrote: Post it note saying “Post Grad American Studies” (searching for Tash)
23) Last key used: Car key
24) Last word spoken: “welcome”
25) Last trip to the bathroom: Hmm, about an hour ago
26) Last sleep: Last night
27) Last IM: From Tash.
30) Last weird encounter: Between 10am and 5:30 pm every working day.
31) Last Store Shopped at: The IGA near work.
32) Last ice cream eaten: Wow, I can’t remember. I think it was a cookies and cream heaven.
33) Last time amused: About 5 minutes ago, watching footage of a newsreporter reporting from a spider centre and having her sound man walk his fingers up her back. She freaked. LOL
34) Last time wanting to die: Can’t remember
35) Last time in love: Does currently count?
36) Last time hugged: Quick side by side hug today with Jackie.
37) Last time scolded: Another cranky borrower moment.
38) Last time resentful: Today “Why do *I* have to know how to set this up??”
39) Last chair sat in: Big blue desk chair
40) Last lipstick used: I can’t remember wearing lippy at all.
41) Last underwear worn: Purple briefs with dodgy elastic.
42) Last bra worn: Oh, one of the better ones.
43) Last shirt worn: Dark red shirt from menswear.
44) Last class attended: Introduction to Macromedia Flash, last November.
45) Last Final taken: Psychology, why do I even remember that?
46) Last time dancing: At the Bowie concert in Feb.
47) Last poster looked at: Tim Curry as Frank N Furter.
48) Last concert attended: David Bowie.
49) Last webpage visited: This One

Little sad how many answers I didn’t ahve to change. LOLOL. These are great for instant content tho :D

Evening shifts on quiet days are things to be dreaded. I am currently on my “meal” break (pepperment chocolate frog, coffee, cigarettes. I am truly a modern woman) and am quietly despairing at the hours ahead of me. Since we are Very Quiet today, and it is Very Cold And Wet outside, I am hoping to log into Yahoo on desk and pass the hours that way. Hello to the CEO, should she read this.

I did have a product for this week, but my dog ate it. Next week, for sure and you’d better believe it won’t be dog food this time.

This morning I did something I thought I had already done, ie join SnapClub. This is the place for all those photos I take that have no use, although I guess I could call them Website Content. Perhaps I will, later. Something to do of an evening, maybe. Anyway. I’m off for a smoke (sorry Chessie :P)

Comment from a person paying an 80 cent fine today “Geeze, you lot would close down if it wasn’t for my fines!”. Yes, because that 80 cents is our budget for this year.

Comment Kirsty had from patron paying a $1.20 fine “I might was well have gone and bought the books!” Yes, because those two books were 60 cents each, and not $25 each.

Give me a break.

Why not see Chessiegirl’s Product of the Week too? Well? Why Not?! hehe.

These days large lips are way in. Think Angelina Jolie. Think… Leslie Ash. haha. Anyway. The most common answer to thin lips is a big old needle full of collagen. Mmm, stingy. This will plump your lips for weeks, if not months (can you tell I don’t know much about it? No? Good, read on). Your lipstick bill will increase, of course, to cover the larger area, but life wasn’t meant to be easy.

Well, for those ladies who either fear the needle or fear a possible allergic reaction that will leave them looking like some kind of alarming fish, there is a solution. For a simple, one off payment of US$29.95 ($39.95 if you want a tub of “Theraputic Lip Cream”) you can order the Lip Pump.

How does it work? What does it DO? Well, it makes your lips bigger for around 4 hours. It does this with suction - “Luscious Lips uses a natural vacuum process to gently coax fluid into the lips, plumping the lips while increasing circulation in the lip and mouth area.”. Am I the only one thinking “Mild bruising”?

It’s quite easy to use. You simply place the thing over your mouth and “allow the device to gently coax the lips into the mouthpiece, hold for a few seconds, and release the vacuum.” This is held for around 4 seconds, with a maximum of 120 seconds (per day, I think). Otherwise I guess your lips would be so large you’d trip over on them and not be allowed to drive due to limited vision.

Checking the before and after photos shows you a range of disquietening lips. It seems the Lip Pump doesn’t actually do the whole lip - just the fleshiest part which results in rather square lip shapes. They do, I’m afraid, look like someone has punched them in the mouth.

If you care to follow the link to “Medical Endorsements” (note the plural) you will find a single endorsement from a plastic surgeon. Apparently the surgeon in question has used the Pump, however in her photo her lips don’t look boxy at all, so it may all be a ruse.

Personally, I find it quicker and easier (and not to mention cheaper) to just smack myself in the mouth everymorning with a plank of wood. The splinters can be painted over with a bit of lippy. Keen gardners may be able to get away with biting a bee (a wasp would work better though as they sting twice so you can use the same one for both lips). When all else fails, just apply lipstick half an inch beyond your natural lipline. Now that’s classy!

Firstly, by the special request of Jigsaw Pig who was simply gasping to see more of my lovely and wonderful frogs, here is the Beefeater Frog. This, JP, is the least attractive frog in my collection and he spends his days hiding behind other, cuter frogs. A sad fate. I bought him on whim in a discount tourist trash shop in London. I have a feeling I actually bought two, which means one was given as a gift to someone. Eeep.

Anyway. The major project of today was the assembly of the cheapo exercise bike I bought (again on whim) last night. Whim has a lot to answer for. I was basically feeling bloated and disgusting and have been toying with the idea of buying one of these bikes for months, but haven’t felt up to parental comments on the matter. Last night I rang Kmart on impulse, yes they sell bikes, yes they’re open till 9. So off I went.

This afternoon (this morning was mainly spent sleeping - I set my alarm for 9am on weekends, but always just turn the bloody thing off and go back to sleep) I moved the rocking chair out of my room. That’s a simple little sentance and gives yo uthe sense that I took the chair and moved it. However, on the chair at the time was a pile of stuff including: Giant Kermit, Large plush green tree frog, large plush generic frog with a rattle in it’s head (oh I don’t know either), photo album, daggy brown jumper I can’t part with, Nicer jumper that’s still alittle too small (cough), purple and blue striped shawl, white shawl, pair of jeans, bed socks (hooray! I found my bedsocks!), $6 in change, long tie dyed socks I can’t wear in public, long chunky wooly socks (also have been looking for those), the big woven thing which could either be a floor rug or a bedspread (can’t figure out which), pile of envelopes with windows in them (always bad news), pair of large white angel wings and a tray. Under the chair was a pile of books, two large picture frames and two large photos of Bowie from his show in Melbourne (oh yeah, I remember those). Most of this stuff has been relocated, but I’ve no idea what to do with the frogs.

Feeling very brave, I tipped all the bike stuff out of the box and unwrapped it all, layed it all out on the floor and began the process of assembly. It all came together fairly quickly, everything went in to place as it should and there weren’t any missing bits. I should have known this was too good to be true, and I was right. When the time came to slot the handlebar post bit into the base, the instructions told me to connect the “computer” cable and the tension cable. I looked at the post in my hand, yes - there was the plug for the computer bit and the end of that bit of tension cable. Good. Good. Looked into the bit that this post was to be mounted in. Ah. There’s the computer connection… and nothing else. I peered down the mounting bit with a torch. Coulnd’t see anything apart from the flywheel. I flicked through the instructions and found a note that said “The plastic casing around the base of the bike does not need to be removed at any point. tampering with the case may decrease safety”. I was about to make a joke of that.

It’s interesting to note that despite their assertion that the world would end if the case was removed, the tool supplied with the bike has a phillips head screwdriver as it’s handle and there’s nothing else on that bike that needs a screwdriver except the screws holding the case together. *HP nods, meaningfully*

I opened the case with scant regard for the safety of myself or others and peered into the murky depths. The tension strap runs down the “neck” of the handlebars, around the flywheel and out the front, where it’s locked in place with a clip. The trick was getting it around the flywheel as I only had access to the front of the wheel. I threaded it all around as best as I could, put the handlebars on and followed their directions for setting the tension (”Set tension knob to minimum, unlock strap and pull until tight. Relock”). All fine. Screwed the case back together, tightened all the nuts and bolts and hopped on to try it out. Yup, pedals work, everything is good. I adjust the tension for greater resistance and hear “WHACKwhomph!” and all resistance is gone.

Threading a tension strap around a flywheel is easier if you tape the end of the strap to the wheel, then turn it slowly, guiding the strap into place. Also, tape the other end to the outside of the mount because while you’re wishing you had three hands in order to hook up the most tenuous “computer” connection you’ve ever seen and the tension strap, you’ll probably drop the end down the hole and have to start over. Just.. trust me on this. LOL.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to run to Kmart and add a sticky note to the remaining boxes under where it says “Assembly tool included”. Mine will say “But you’ll need to bring your own sticky tape”.

I just adore my new frog! That’s him on the left (if you can’t tell). he’s a “fine art” frog, and has a Van Gogh print on his back because he is very very special indeed. I also got a little box for Dried Frog Pills, neatly combining my passion for frogs with my love of the Discworld.

I keep meaning to photograph the various frogs in my collection and post them on the site. Then I think “Meh, why?” then I think “Ah, why not?” and so it continues. Trust me, at some stage I will be bored enough (or have something else to do that I don’t want to do and will need a distraction) and the whole collection will go up. And then I’ll think “Meh, why?”.

The self issues machine that repeat readers will recall was a nightmare earlier this year has gone. Well it went a couple of weeks ago actually - a good two months after the end of the trial. THe old one, which I like to whisper sweet nothings to - was dragged out of it’s sulk and is now working wonderfully. I mention this because another branch also had a trial of a new self issues machine, but from a different company. However, this trial was a bit of a waste of time as three months later they still can’t get it to work. The obvious thing to do, then, would be to send another of those machines we can’t get to work to us at my branch. Presumably to see if it won’t work there either. It arrives Monday. Prepare for crankiness.

Being a free service such as we are (not us personally, of course, the library in which we spend our days) we attract some, um, interesting patrons. Today’s Freak Moment was a biggie. See, a guy came in wearing a long leather coat. He asked Diane if it was OK to keep it on while he was inside. She said “Uh, sure”. “Good, it’s my wife’s coat and it’s very hot, where are your books on biological warfare?” (I’m not quoting exactly here, I didn’t hear either conversation). About 20 minutes later the phone rang. I answered and got this:
“Hi, is Diane there?”
“Which DIane? We have two”
“Uh, she was on the front desk about 20 minutes ago”
“Oh, Ok. Who’s calling?”
“I’m just a patron”
“OK, and your name?”
“I’m just a customer. Can I speak to Diane?”
After warning Diane that it was some kind of freak, she answered the call. Yes, it was the Coat Guy and he wanted to know if she thought the coat looked too feminine on him. “Yeah it did a bit” she said. “Oh. Well, do you want it?” “Want what?” “The coat, do you want it?”

Once more I thank whatever forces that made me NOT a cheerful blonde.

AFL (Aussie Rules Football - like Grid Iron but without all the pansy padding thanks very much [see how that sounded like I care about sport? I’m so good at fibbing!]) is a big deal here, at least in the colder states. Apart from the main competition there are dozens of local team competitions for most ages. Most kids either play or follow a team with obsessional zeal (or both). So I can kind of see how this would be a money maker. Yes, you too can appear on an Official AFL Trading Card. For a mere $25 (incl postage) you can be the proud owner of 18 cards with yourself on them. Removing the postage makes it $20 - Or around $1.12 per card (I said “around”, don’t bother pointing out that it’s 1.111 recurring, k?). Nice little earner, this one.

All you have to do is follow the guidelines for taking a photo (”When you are having your photo taking don’t just stand there. A good pose with a footy will make your card look much more exciting. Why not pretend to take a speccie or prepare to kick a huge drop-punt?” - I guess kids don’t have that much shame to begin with, huh? Yeah…), send the photo in with the order form all filled out (don’t forget to tell them if you’re a boy or a girl because the photo and name might not be a clue) and wait for your 18 cards to arrive (but not your photo. You can’t have that back. Nuh uh. Nope.)

I can kinda see how this would appeal to your basic hard core footyhead kid. Perhaps it’s my own lack of interest in the sport that makes me think “Oh hey! How pointless!” But all you really need to be on a trading card is an image editing programme, some photoquality paper and too much time on your hands. Observe:

That’s the first of many (and I swear to God the only time I’m posting my photo here, promise). I plan an entire range. I don’t know of what.

I’m tempted to risk the $25 and see if they’ll print me some official AFL cards if I send in a pic of me holding a footy. Of course, I don’t actually barrack for any teams so I may hav eto make it up a bit. Wonder if they’d print them if I put “Prefer Equestrian” in the Team box…

After wandering around for a few months looking like an ungroomed terrier, I finally decided that yes, it’s time for a haircut. Normally I’d just razor a bit off my fringe and make do, but I’m trying to be all new and improved and Do Things The Proper Way for a while, to see if I like it.

The place I get my hair cut at is a walk in off the street type place. You just wander in, they tell you someone can see you in 30 minutes, so you wander off and come back then. It is mostly men in the waiting area because what these places are really good at is the short back and sides (but if you asked nicely for a mullet, they could probably do that too). At the end of a standard session (which for me is saying “yes” a lot when the ask about length, layers and all that I was offered “shiny spray”. Could a lady out there please tell me what this is? I refused politely. *sigh* I never was one of those women who can cheerfully spend 5 hours having their hair done. Just cut it and get me the hell out.

In other news, I have managed to win the bidding on a slice of the 2003 Sacramento Yellow Pages. It’s a 2 inch slice, like thick cheque book. If anyone has any ideas as to what I can do with this, please leave your comments. Thanks :)

This here’s the wattle / emblem of our land / you can stick it in a bottle / or you can hold it in your hand

The wattles are out! OK, so it happens every year, but it’s still very lovely indeed to look over the hills and see dots of yellow here and there… and there. Actually, the hills at the end of my road where this is most well displayed are yet to produce any wattle. I have faith they will soon. If they do, I’ll post a photo of that too (gosh, so very nice of me). I had a nice walk down to get this photo (look! Bees!). It was one of those cool, brightly sunny days with hundreds of birds fighting over branch rights or feeding on the little insects in the grass. Some wonderful moments spent watching strike thrushes and wrens. Both these birds are of the tiny sizing, and wrens have the added interest of a harem. You can watch several grey brown birds dash about for ages before you see the bright blue of the male.

In non flora/fauna news - I finally dragged myself down to see the doctor again. I was all prepared for verbal fisticuffs. I was expecting, to be honest, to be prescribed the same treatment I was on last time (you know, my famous Bitch Troll From Hell stage). When I mentioned the name of the medication, the doctor scrunched her nose up and said “Yeah, that’s the most common treatment I think, but not what I’d prescribe”. I wanted to hug her to bits, especially when she replied to my request for a referral with a “Sure, we can do that”. Wow. Easy.

Look Chessiegirl! I remembered!

When I saw these I was breathless with admiration. What comforts a USB coffee warmer and built in cigarette lighter could bring!

The coffee warmer plugs into a USB port and sits on your desk, warming your coffee, tea or hot chocolate to an even 40 degrees C. This is kinda “warmish” in my opinion but considering how often I’ve taken a mouthful of coffee and found it to be stone cold this would be better than nothing. According to the site, you can just leave your drink sat there with no time limit but three weeks is probably pushing it from a health and safety point of view.

As Chessie knows, I am forever losing my lighter (yes, yes, I am planning to quit smoking. Rack off), but with a built in lighter in my spare CD bay I would never have this problem again. Actually, as fun as this idea is, I’m not sure I want one extra hot thing lurking in my case, but anyway. Judging also by the general unreliablity of car cigarette lighters, I’m wondering if this could be one more case of PC rage, when the lighter bit fails to pop out after 15 minutes.

Personally, I think this trend could be taken a lot further. Just for my own comfort a USB toaster would be handy, perhaps with a plug and play fridge to keep the butter cold. The toaster could be set to eject the toast when a Yahoo contact comes online, and if I could get a coffee machine hooked up somehow that could be set to make coffee whenever I tune in to Urge radio after 10pm. Of course, I’d need a dishwasher for the cups.

These are not technically useless products, but they are technically pointless. If people can keep their coffee warm and a lighter to hand at all times we are seriously going to lose the use of our legs (although it might make it a damn sight harder for my mother to pocket my lighter).

On a slightly related note, the power has gone out twice during this entry and I am still here. I love my UPS.

It has been a long, draining sort of a week. It’s felt longer than it has been, of course, and if I was working tomorrow I’d probably fall into a gibbering heap right about now but I’m not working tomorrow. I really, really, really need to sleep in (not to say i didn’t this week, Wednesday f’rinstance).

Does worry or concern make yo utired? I think it might, seems an awful lot of energy is expended on these emotions. Perhaps it’s because joy or laughter release feel good chemicals that the energy investment isn’t noted so much. Of course, panic is a whole other thing and yes, I had some real panic this week.

Anyway, it’s over and as much as I love Fridays anyway I am really adoring this one. I need a break.