HP’s Product of the Week: The Lip Pump
Why not see Chessiegirl’s Product of the Week too? Well? Why Not?! hehe.
These days large lips are way in. Think Angelina Jolie. Think… Leslie Ash. haha. Anyway. The most common answer to thin lips is a big old needle full of collagen. Mmm, stingy. This will plump your lips for weeks, if not months (can you tell I don’t know much about it? No? Good, read on). Your lipstick bill will increase, of course, to cover the larger area, but life wasn’t meant to be easy.
Well, for those ladies who either fear the needle or fear a possible allergic reaction that will leave them looking like some kind of alarming fish, there is a solution. For a simple, one off payment of US$29.95 ($39.95 if you want a tub of “Theraputic Lip Cream”) you can order the Lip Pump.
How does it work? What does it DO? Well, it makes your lips bigger for around 4 hours. It does this with suction - “Luscious Lips uses a natural vacuum process to gently coax fluid into the lips, plumping the lips while increasing circulation in the lip and mouth area.”. Am I the only one thinking “Mild bruising”?
It’s quite easy to use. You simply place the thing over your mouth and “allow the device to gently coax the lips into the mouthpiece, hold for a few seconds, and release the vacuum.” This is held for around 4 seconds, with a maximum of 120 seconds (per day, I think). Otherwise I guess your lips would be so large you’d trip over on them and not be allowed to drive due to limited vision.
Checking the before and after photos shows you a range of disquietening lips. It seems the Lip Pump doesn’t actually do the whole lip - just the fleshiest part which results in rather square lip shapes. They do, I’m afraid, look like someone has punched them in the mouth.
If you care to follow the link to “Medical Endorsements” (note the plural) you will find a single endorsement from a plastic surgeon. Apparently the surgeon in question has used the Pump, however in her photo her lips don’t look boxy at all, so it may all be a ruse.
Personally, I find it quicker and easier (and not to mention cheaper) to just smack myself in the mouth everymorning with a plank of wood. The splinters can be painted over with a bit of lippy. Keen gardners may be able to get away with biting a bee (a wasp would work better though as they sting twice so you can use the same one for both lips). When all else fails, just apply lipstick half an inch beyond your natural lipline. Now that’s classy!
July 19th, 2004 at 5:17 pm
Well I’ve been waiting for some witty comments from either JP or Chessiegirl, but it looks as though they are just as speechless (commentless??) as me.
What on earth can you say about a lip pump that hasn’t been said by its name?
July 22nd, 2004 at 4:32 am
Well, I have been Away, although I am not certain, given the topic, whether I would have been able to contribute much even had I been Here. I am, however, intrigued by the concept of an Alarming Fish.
July 22nd, 2004 at 2:17 pm
COnsidering your views on the Leslie Ash Lip Disaster, i think you’d quite like the results here JP.
July 23rd, 2004 at 8:17 am
ew!!!
Yeah, I really want to look like I got punched in the mouth. When I was a kid, and wanted to wear rouge, my gran said "just pinch your cheeks, it will make them pink." Yeah, like I want to look like I just got slapped.
silly sillies.